I’m an unabashed fan of Doc Love, even though sometimes he seems to be a few years behind the times. I get it. He’s a pretty old guy, so stuff like Internet dating and text messaging are a lot newer for him than for the rest of us. Recently though, he’s started offering some advice in his columns for people who use dating websites to meet girls.
One of the most important premises that Doc Love discusses when he writes about relationships with women is the idea of being a challenge. That makes a lot of sense, especially since a lot of guys who have trouble with dating spend way too much time being pathetic and fawning over the object of their desires. And let’s face it. She’s heard and seen that so many times before that it has to have become painfully dull for her by now.
In one of Doc Love’s more recent columns, the reader wrote in with the opinion that it’s easier to be a challenge on the Internet than it is in person. This post mostly addresses instant messaging, and the thinking behind it probably also applies to texting. The reader is of the opinion that when a woman sends you an IM or text, and you don’t respond immediately, then you’re creating significant amounts of interest by being a challenge.
Doc Love’s reply is that you shouldn’t be making ANY kind of contact with her between dates except over her home phone or cell phone, and then, you’re only getting in touch to make dates. I see his point, although I think he’s a little out of touch, because at least half of the women I know don’t even have a home phone anymore. 1998 called. They want their home phone back.
Here’s a quote from Doc’s reply: ” She would develop higher Interest Level in you if you have her thinking, ‘Gosh, this guy doesn’t e-mail me, he doesn’t instant message me, he doesn’t text message me, and he doesn’t phone me — I wonder what the heck he’s up to.'”
This makes sense, but I think it might be a little bit too strict. I’ve had successful dating relationships with women where we never talked on the phone at all. I asked her out via text, she answered via text, and we went out in person and had a great time. We saw each other multiple times, too.
The other point he makes, which is quite valid, is that when you’re communicating via instant message, you can’t see her body language. She could be sitting on her boyfriend’s lap laughing at you.
In another of Doc Love’s posts, he explains how to use online dating sites to meet women and start dating. In this post, he admits that Internet dating IS where it’s at in terms of meeting women these days. His game plan for meeting women this way is to focus on your goal of getting a 45 minute coffee date with her.
Here’s what he suggest you send them in your “icebreaker” message via the dating site:
“I’m looking for a Self-Reliant, Flexible Giver who will laugh at my corny jokes. Let’s meet at Starbucks and see if I can make you giggle.”
He goes on to write:
“If you get a positive response on Match.com — a wink — toss into your e-mail that you’re a busy guy and that you have tons of fun on the weekends. In your second paragraph, keep on keeping it light. Does she like to dance? Does she like to travel to Vegas or New York? What babe doesn’t like to dance or go places? Then ask her about Match.com to remind her that you don’t want to just be her e-mail ‘buddy.'”
He goes on to explain that after a few emails, you should go for the home phone number and the coffee date. He advises that you give her the phone number and address of the Starbucks, and that you make sure there’s plenty of parking. According to Doc, she’ll be looking for an excuse to not go through with the date.
He also provides the observation that the more detailed her email responses are to yours, the higher her interest level is. This probably seems obvious, but you never know when you’re dealing with the average frustrated chump.
Another post about online personals provides more advice still. In this one, he advises telling the girl via email that you thought her profile was “interesting”. Then you focus on complimenting her personality and her brains. After all, the other chumps are going on about how good-looking she is. You want to stand out from the crowd.
The guy who wrote in with the questions thought that an email with the word “Hi” would be a good start, but Doc points out that this is going to sound creepy. He suggests instead that you write, “Hi. I find you interesting. Mike.” Or, if you’re feeling verbose, “I find your expertise in the latest computer technology captivating.”.
Women hate guys who beg. They also hate stalkers. So you want to keep it brief while still appearing normal.
He also suggests that you never contact anyone on an Internet dating site if they haven’t posted a photo, period. He says that the girls who don’t post pictures with their profiles are psychos or look like Rosie O’Donnell’s ugly sister.
You should also avoid women who posts bedroom pics in their profiles, because they’ve probably been around. Women who only check in on their profiles every month or so are probably a bad idea, too, because they’re not really looking to meet someone.
Don’t take her to dinner or a movie on this first date. As he recommended in his other post, meet her at Starbucks for a 30-45 minute coffee date. Then when you do meet her, keep it light and funny.
Doc Love has some good advice, although I wish he’d write about online dating issues more often.
